I guess it's been a long while since I've posted here... I'm still alive. Haven't felt the need to blog for a long while. About as safe as I can remember being. Happy.
I probably won't post here again. I hope I don't need to.

RIP Sanna

Well, Sanna's finally pegged out. I was just having a friendly chat with her, seeing how she was holding up now that everyone who cared about her died, and she straight up stabbed herself in the chest :) 

Maybe I shouldn't have given her a knife, but, hindsight's 20/20, right? Probably would've done the same thing anyway, knowing how it'd go. I was counting on it.

So yeah, rest in peace, you crazy bitch.  

Bitch

So I'm a wee bit pissed off right now. Sanna's turned on me. And she sided with Deimos to do it. Lovett would be crushed.
She calls me, asks me to meet her. I go, of course. You know what happens? There's a sniper waiting for me. I bite a bullet. two more in the chest. Like that would be enough to stop me. Fuckers didn't know who they were dealing with. Hurt like a bitch, though. And healing isn't my strong suite. Still, they're pretty stupid if they think <i>that</i> would put me down for more than a couple of days.
He thought they killed you.
You know what? I really don't get it. I've been playing by your rules, acting moral, and you still want me dead? Might as well just kill whoever I want. And that's on you, Sanna. Every man, woman and child who dies because of this is your fault.

Deimos

Hai guys!
I know it's a long shot, but my last lead died on me so I'm gonna go ahead and ask you lot, see if you have a clue. Anyone know where Deimos is? I have a powerful need to speak with him.

Met Sanna

So I went ahead and met with Sanna. Yes, that is the one who wants to kill me, and probably has the best chance of pulling it off. What's life without a little danger?

BORING. I went because I was expecting some kind of ambush or trap or something, but there was nothing. We went for a walk, talked about very little of import. Hell, I was even reasonably honest about stuff. But the walking and talking is more Lovett's thing; I don't see the appeal of answering a bunch of questions. Unsatisfying, stripping away the mystery like that. Like showing people how Houdini hid the elephant; It just misses the point. Why is it you people are so concerned with understanding? Do you think it'll help you survive?

She threw a knife at me. In my general direction, anyway. Still not sure why she's throw away what looked like her only weapon. People are odd, sometimes. Too much emotion, wastes energy and makes you do weird stuff. I won't even bother pretending to understand it, myself. Guess I have a better perspective, looking in from the outside. I can see stuff that you people do that's just weird, but that same perspective stops it from being understandable.

I'm rambling. Point is, I saw Sanna, had a friendly chat, killed a doctor, and all in all, it was a pretty good day.

A

just another update

Guess I should probably update this blog. Air my feelings, get catharsis and all that bullshit. It makes sense to stay in touch, though.

I've been staying in London, with Sanna. It helps both of us, I think, having someone there who wants to help. It's been tough, adjusting to my hand being gone, and just having someone else to turn to has... helped seems like too small a word. Not enough to cover the amount Sanna has done for me. Thank you, Sanna. I don't say that nearly often enough.

Speaking of the hand, it's been rough. Still feels like there's a hand there, which doesn't help. I still look down, sometimes, and think maybe I'll see something, maybe this was all a bad dream and I'll see a hand down there. It's so fucking stupid, but I almost feel disappointed, when I see it. I'm a fucking idiot. It's amazing how much a missing hand can fuck your balance, too. Stops you bandaging yourself up. makes it hard to open bottles, cans. Just these fucking little things, every day, and I just have to deal with it. I'm feeling a little cooped up, in my own body. If that even makes any sense.

I should probably get a prosthetic, but theres something in me that doesn't like the idea. Feels like it'd be making it official, I guess. Having a clumsy false replacement. It's stupid, and irrational, but I still haven't got in touch with anyone. a bit of cowardice, I guess, but isn't that allowable, after so long?

I shouldn't be complaining. I'm still alive, for one. I can still help, still have the resources to rent a place to stay. Have a roof over my head. And I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I'll survive this, and come out the other side.

Back on the Path

We manages to get Sanna back, as you've probably read here. We went onto the path and we fucking walked away alive. Got there just in the nick of time, though. I guess thanks are in order; We probably couldn't have done it without you, Kyrylo. Thanks for telling us where she was.

For the rescue itself, you're probably best off checking what Ronnie wrote. Nature of the path, I guess, that I don't remember much of what happened. No real details, just the sensation of being faster and stronger and knowing where everything, everyone was. I've been away from the path for too long. Maybe if I'd been less of a coward, I wouldn't have had to do what I did to deal with the poison. But that's something to deal with later.

I got a call from Ronnie, said she had a plan to get Sanna out. I was having some trouble making arrangements to deal with it muyself, so I figured I'd help Ronnie. The idea of leaving a kid to go to the path alone didn't appeal to me much, either. I'm an idiot. When I got to the meeting place, she wasn't alone. And I'm not talking about the dog, either. Bloody decietful proxies. After the initial 'fuck a Timberwolf kill him before he kills me' moment, I headed over. Figured a Timberwolf wouldn't hesitate to kill a little girl if they didn't have a reason to keep her alive, so it may be that this one would be useful. He was, by the way. Thanks Rasmus, shame about the anger management bit.

I remember arguing with Rasmus, afterwards. I probably should've focussed on helping to patch Sanna up (kicking myself that I went with the bullshit machismo thing instead), but right off the path, blood and azoth pounding… I guess I was a little off-kilter. Can you really blame me?

So now I'm waiting in a safehouse of Ronnie's. Sanna hasn't been awake for more than a few minutes at a time; The path can do that to you, not to mention all the other shit she's been through. Not much to do but let her recover in her own time. Wish I'd learned more first aid.