taking inventory

Right, may as well list out what's been going on with me. Besides, jeff reads this blog, and he's in charge of providing supplies. cheers for that, by the way.

So special K tipped up a few days ago, when ew were discussing the next course if action. Snowy's death, yanno?
so anyway, a lookout say kelly coming, so we started evacuation. problem is that about half of the guys with me don't really know the path that well. soi they needed time to get through, and guess whopicked the short straw?

it was something of a curbstomp. a guy wuth knives who can't leavvea against fortissomo? got me ino a grab, and then it was a simple mattr to ask what questions he had. where Sanna was, amongst other things. I started off lying asa matter of course, obviously, but to be honest i douby he cared either was.

so i took a beating, then used the path. took off. i thinnk he thought i wasnt capable of using the path (not kowing it was me. mustve neen a pleasant suprise, eh?). so, to the scorecards

• broken hand, right, palm & gingrts.
• slashed wrist, arterial spray. since bandaged.
• broken knee (or possibly some other variety of fuckedupness. won't bend, swelling. I think thats a sign its broken)
• fractured ribs, i think
• burst eyeball
• broken nose
• missing teeth (some teeth. anyway)
• general fuckedupnwss.
• lost infrmation regarding Sanna, xander etc.

And in my favour?

• 7 escaped proxies. Cpmplte with hands, noses, wrists legs teeth etc.
• about a quarter to a half od what I said was lies.

So I'm counting that as a victory.if only vbecause I managed to walk (well, 'walk') away from it.

Phil the friendly proxy's 7 step programme for identifying a psychopath

Music

 Hello, and welcome to the first (and probably only)  installment to Phil the Friendly Proxy's guides. Today, we will be examining the proper identification of psychopaths.
And the first question to ask is: 'What is a Psychopath?'. Psychopathy is generally identified and diagnosed by something known as 'Hare's Scale', named for Dr. Robert Hare.This test identifies social and emotional features of psychopathy, and for each feature the patient will be awarded 0-2 points. 40 points is an archetypal psychopath, while anything above 30 is enough for a diagnosis of psychopathy. These features include being extremely glib, a grandiose sense of self-importance, pathological compulsions towards lying and a lack of realistic long-term plans, to name but a few. It's also worth noting that a psychopath will rarely admit to being a psychopath. This links to the key features of a psychopath. Enjoying causing pain in others leads to the potential psychopath lying or omitting the truth, not for any personal gain, but instead to cause pain in others.
Now to use this test on two people, one known to be a psychopath, and one known not to, to see how it faces up.

         Kelevra

• Glibness/superficial charm- 1
• Grandiose sense of self-worth- 2
• Pathological lying- 1
• Cunning/manipulative- 2
• Lack of remorse or guilt- 2
• Shallow affect- 2
• Callousness; lack of empathy- 2
• Failure to accept responsibility for his own actions- 1

• Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom- 1
• Parasitic lifestyle- 1
• Poor behavioral control- 2
• Lack of realistic long-term goals- 1
• Impulsivity- 2
• Irresponsibility- 2
• Juvenile delinquency- 2
• Early behavior problems- 2

• Promiscuous sexual behavior-2
• Many short-term relationships- 2
• Criminal versatility- 2
 

Total- 33, with some factors removed due to lack of information.

 
• Glibness/superficial charm- 0
• Grandiose sense of self-worth- 0
• Pathological lying- 0
• Cunning/manipulative- 0
• Lack of remorse or guilt-0
• Shallow affect-0
• Callousness; lack of empathy-0
• Failure to accept responsibility for her own actions-0
• Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom- 0
• Parasitic lifestyle- 1
• Poor behavioral control- 1
• Lack of realistic long-term goals- 1
• Impulsivity-0
• Irresponsibility-1
• Juvenile delinquency-0
• Early behavior problems- 0
• Promiscuous sexual behavior-0
• Many short-term relationships-0
• Criminal versatility-0

Total-4

So, as can clearly be se

*EDIT*- You'll have to excuse this being unfinished, Snowblind dropped in, and I'll be busy burying the body. If I remember I'll finish it later.

Retrospective

I can't believe it was only a couple weeks since I turned to the mask side. Feels like longer, but to be honest dates have always seemed a bit screwy to me. Might be because I'm usually doing something during the night now, rather than just being paranoid and waiting to sleep. Keeping busy is good. Sadly, I'm not particularly busy right now. I don't think my leg's broken but it won't stand up to much. Would've though the azoth would make it heal faster, but I guess that would be pushing my luck. I'll take what I can get.
Still, there've been a lot of changes.  From thinking of the path as a death sentence to being able to go there myself on a whim. Takes getting used to. Still, spending a week with more of my time on the path than not was painful. Reminded me of being a runner- The path is hostile, and you're always being hunted. Exactly like being a runner. Being against the world itself.
I'm still getting used to not even being the person who's been here for the longest after two weeks. It seems odd. Either it's an outlier or the turnover rate is pretty fucking high, and since most people at the safehouse were surprised by me and Grace arriving I guess it's the former. She's probably stalking the guy I was working on before that got a bit fucked up. Hope that works out.
Not sure what else to say. I decided on a name as a proxy and no, I won't share it. Given the stuff I've said on this blog, I'd prefer to avoid going public. Could be repercussions, and that'd suck. I value my anonymity, so I've left the warehouse. I don't think anyone knows where I was, but nonetheless it was a risk. If someone kept up with the blog and decided to track me down, it'd be a simple matter of finding the proxy who took me there and asking where I was taken, then going there and stabbing the guy with a crutch. At least now it isn't a matter of finding a proxy with a crutch- and let that be a lesson on why you should always have access to your basic supplies. A change of clothes and an idea of where to hole up. Never thought I'd actually use Dad's advice. Heh.
Oh, and in case you don't follow Sannas blog, it turns out that french proxy git is dead. Moment of silence, please.                   And anyway, moving swiftly onwards, Snowy set up a blog. Interesting stuff, even if you don't like the guy. and to those of you who do like him, thanks for reading the blog Snowblind and you're welcome for the free advertisement.
And a good day to you Sir/Madame/Master/Esquire/Baron/Senpai/[error 404: honourific not found]

Fuckong fuck

Might have iver done It with those painkilluers my stomach feels like its been stabbed and I'm pissing blood. Word of warming if you overdose on ibuofen it really fucks you up. Good thing in a proxy, feel the azoth now, moving inside of me and topping me from dying.

Sorry, I started typing this up sometime in the night but passed out. I'm actually feeling a lot better now, which is odd. I took a whole bottle of painkillers, and now I'm fine. I believe the correct response is huh. I guess thats something to learn; I can't top myself using an overdose.

Anyway, here I am in the classic abandoned warehouse. Nobody around, probably looking for Sanna.  Someone left me a crutch, so I can get around a little. Looking around now, the place seems pretty empty. Some kit mats and sleeping bags here and there (probably for winter, this place stays pretty warm), and some bags full of tins of food. I'd love a bite to eat, but I can't find a tin opener. I'll look in the offices- might be they kept everything important there.

New arrival

So there's a new arrival. As I would probably have known if I hadn't been busy taking notes on a dude reading books all day. Bleh.
 She says her name is Grace, not sure if it's her actual name or a taken name. Probably the second, I'm pretty much the only person sticking with my actual name. Mostly because I'm a wee bit shit at coming up with actual names. She seems pretty on the ball, definitely had training of some sort, but she isn't going into details. I can't say I blame her, if it weren't for the blog I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be telling anyone anything about myself. So she's going straight into work, helping out with the snooping on my runner. With this and another guy topping himself, my schedule is really clearing up. Just have the plod work on one runner, and stalking on another guy. And to think half a week ago I was splitting my time between three people. This has really brightened my day. Night. Whatever.
 Not really much other news, just felt like putting this up. Things are looking up.

Theme music

So the guy I've been following has been, for lack of a better word, faffing. Not much news, it seems like he knows he's being followed but that's according to plan (do you have any idea how irritating it is to convince someone they're being followed without drawing attention? I felt like an interior designer, rearranging the furniture in his room). Still, on the actually following him front I've had a lot of time to myself. Mostly listening to music.

And that leads on to the point of the post. I was listening to a particular band (Vernian Process) and figured I'd try to link their songs to people and groups, like the runners and the fears, after a couple fit pretty damn well.
So far I have:
Behold the Machine- The Manufactured Newborn
The Curse of Whitechapel- Kelevra
The Exile- The Eye
The Last Express- Archangel
Something Wicked That Way Went- The Fears in General
Unhallowed Metropolis- The Runners in General
Vagues de Vapeur- Med

And that's all I got. So yeah, being a proxy involves vast amounts of sitting around listening to music and doodling on a notepad. Who'd have thunk it?

More proxying

So I've been promoted! Kinda. The guy who was in charge, Snow, killed himself. I didn't know him so well, being new to the job, but he was a hell of a nice guy. Guess that was the problem; good people can't really live this life. All our bridges are burnt, we're just constantly helping a god that we don't understand, fighting against people who don't deserve to be fought against. And it isn't like there's a way out-even if someone like Med makes a cure, we've still done what we did. So it's no surprise that suicides are apparently saddeningly common. It still hits hard, though, knowing that the guy who cooked dinner yesterday hung himself, that he decided death was better than living like this.

Fuck, this is depressing.

Meanwhile, life carries on. Because God forbid we have time for something like a funeral, anything like that, fuck no. A shallow, unmarked grave. Not what he deserved. But I've been kept busy, making sure the loss doesn't show. Lots of standing round in alleys, making sure he can catch a glimpse of me before backing out of sight. Smoke and mirrors, seeming omnipresent, keeping that pressure on. It's too early to get me to do this- not long ago I was living in fear of the proxies, and now I'm visiting that fear on someone else. Ironic, I think.

So that's my life, hope you guys out there are doing better. Because if you aren't, that's a fucking tragedy.