So I've been in a steady saefhouse for the past few days. Pretty sure it's been about that long. Really nice place, underground. I think it was meant to be some kind of bunker; parts of it are a faraday cage, which is actually pretty irritating. But, beinng underground, and having all the lightbulbs broken, it has no light; suits me down to the ground.
Funny story as to how I found it, actually. Deimos has some people here, coming after me because of his vendetta. they had me on the run, and I found an entrance trying to hide. I figured, I cant keep running, what with my leg, so I'll go to ground.
I'm feeling pretty manic right now, if i didn't know better I'd think I was a little high. nt sure why that is. might just be tings working out in my favour.
So I'd hunkered down in this cellar. there were three of them, and they knew whree I was. That had me worried; never been in a fair fight when I could help it, let alone outnumbered and outgunned. If it hadn't been for the rats and such tipping me off, I don't know what I would've done. Guess I'm a fucking idiot to get myself backed into a corner like that. If i hadn't got ucky I would've died for my stupidity, and ain't that a scary thought. But I didn't. I got down here, and they followed. But in the dark, I got one, and the other shot his friend accidentally and ran off. Trigger happy moron. Doesn't know what it mens to be a proxy; he wasn't even wearing a mask.
I guess I understand why some groups forgo masks. Makes it harder to pose as a proxy, makes you seem more human. hell of a lot easier for people to shoot someone without a face, if they don't have to look them in th eye. But being a proxy means dehumanizing yourself. Being different, not in the same category. He has no need of humans serving Him, just channels for the azoth to flow. Trying to hold onto humanity, trying to be a person? it seems wrong.
Fuck it. probably just lack of sleep talking there. even more rambling and nonsensical than usual.
Funny story as to how I found it, actually. Deimos has some people here, coming after me because of his vendetta. they had me on the run, and I found an entrance trying to hide. I figured, I cant keep running, what with my leg, so I'll go to ground.
I'm feeling pretty manic right now, if i didn't know better I'd think I was a little high. nt sure why that is. might just be tings working out in my favour.
So I'd hunkered down in this cellar. there were three of them, and they knew whree I was. That had me worried; never been in a fair fight when I could help it, let alone outnumbered and outgunned. If it hadn't been for the rats and such tipping me off, I don't know what I would've done. Guess I'm a fucking idiot to get myself backed into a corner like that. If i hadn't got ucky I would've died for my stupidity, and ain't that a scary thought. But I didn't. I got down here, and they followed. But in the dark, I got one, and the other shot his friend accidentally and ran off. Trigger happy moron. Doesn't know what it mens to be a proxy; he wasn't even wearing a mask.
I guess I understand why some groups forgo masks. Makes it harder to pose as a proxy, makes you seem more human. hell of a lot easier for people to shoot someone without a face, if they don't have to look them in th eye. But being a proxy means dehumanizing yourself. Being different, not in the same category. He has no need of humans serving Him, just channels for the azoth to flow. Trying to hold onto humanity, trying to be a person? it seems wrong.
Fuck it. probably just lack of sleep talking there. even more rambling and nonsensical than usual.
Staying in a place with a Faraday cage is actually pretty genius.
ReplyDeleteI can't say I've ever encountered proxies with a solid consensus on what it means to be a proxy. But I can say that proxies are human, even if I'm willing to send them their deaths. There is no use in deluding myself that they aren't human. Hell, there are even individual proxies that I like as people. Even if I would shoot them on sight.
Has it's ups and downs. Having to come near the surface, out of the safehouse proper, every time i want to use the internet is irritating.
DeleteReading back over that last paragraph, I have no idea what the fuck I was on about. Proxies are people, and human in almost all cases.
That's dangerous thinking you've going on there. Knowing you, you never dehumanized anyone, I hope it isn't the Azoth inside of you that makes you think like that, cause if it is, then that means you gave it enough freedom to be invading your thoughts, careful.
ReplyDeleteMight be that the azoth is changing me. Not sure how to stop that when I can't even tell where the line is between me and the azoth thinking, though.
DeleteGuess I don't really know what to do
Are you ok?
ReplyDelete