So I've been in a steady saefhouse for the past few days. Pretty sure it's been about that long. Really nice place, underground. I think it was meant to be some kind of bunker; parts of it are a faraday cage, which is actually pretty irritating. But, beinng underground, and having all the lightbulbs broken, it has no light; suits me down to the ground.
Funny story as to how I found it, actually. Deimos has some people here, coming after me because of his vendetta. they had me on the run, and I found an entrance trying to hide. I figured, I cant keep running, what with my leg, so I'll go to ground.
I'm feeling pretty manic right now, if i didn't know better I'd think I was a little high. nt sure why that is. might just be tings working out in my favour.

So I'd hunkered down in this cellar. there were three of them, and they knew whree I was. That had me worried; never been in a fair fight when I could help it, let alone outnumbered and outgunned. If it hadn't been for the rats and such tipping me off, I don't know what I would've done. Guess I'm a fucking idiot to get myself backed into a corner like that. If i hadn't got ucky I would've died for my stupidity, and ain't that a scary thought. But I didn't. I got down here, and they followed. But in the dark, I got one, and the other shot his friend accidentally and ran off. Trigger happy moron. Doesn't know what it mens to be a proxy; he wasn't even wearing a mask.

I guess I understand why some groups forgo masks. Makes it harder to pose as a proxy, makes you seem more human. hell of a lot easier for people to shoot someone without a face, if they don't have to look them in th eye. But being a proxy means dehumanizing yourself. Being different, not in the same category. He has no need of humans serving Him, just channels for the azoth to flow. Trying to hold onto humanity, trying to be a person? it seems wrong.
Fuck it. probably just lack of sleep talking there. even more rambling and nonsensical than usual.



So Deimos is alive. I thought he was, the bomb was never meant to kill him, just make things more convincing. I don't want him dead. Not sure why, I've done too much to try to take the moral high ground now. He made it to Mosccow, not sure how long ago, with a few proxies. None I recognise from his original team. Might be something happened to them, or he's in charge of more people now. That would make sense; always best to avoid going after somweone with people that know them. leads to hesitation. The original team hesitated, that saved my life once.

They've kept me on he move, one safehouse after another. Pretty much all my things burned when they firebombed one, a while ago. No more tramadol, which sucks pretty bad. No gun, no bombs, no food. Didn't even have time to get my crutch.Got nothing but a few knoves that I had on me before. Fuvk it, Ive burned enough people tht i can't complaibn about the reversal.

I hate this, thouggh. Dpon't speak the language, no money, Can't stop because they're always one step behind. I don't sleep much, but there are limits. I just have to keep pushing through it. Least they'ce slowed down recently. managed to lose them for a while, thts bben good.Lasted all day.

On the leg front, things arent so bad. Even wirhout the crutches, I can get about fairly well. Just need a wall to lean on, chances to sit down. The azoth helps, I think. Keeps iy muted, the pain, I mean. Sometimes I have trouble telling which thoughts are coming from me and which are coming from it. There anyone who knws a psychaitrist who knows about the Fears andisn't a murderous lunatic? Who doesn't mind talking to a murrderous lunatic as well, i guess.Probably not, but thatmight be for the best.
Think I saw Thompson again, but that might have ben a trick of the Light. I hope so.

Can't deal with that again.

My memories are still going. None that I'd want to get rid of,though. Tose always stay. Can't actually re,ember my birthday. During the winter, i think. Doesn't really msatter, does it? 'Coingratulations, you were born'.  and boy did that turn out well.