just another update

Guess I should probably update this blog. Air my feelings, get catharsis and all that bullshit. It makes sense to stay in touch, though.

I've been staying in London, with Sanna. It helps both of us, I think, having someone there who wants to help. It's been tough, adjusting to my hand being gone, and just having someone else to turn to has... helped seems like too small a word. Not enough to cover the amount Sanna has done for me. Thank you, Sanna. I don't say that nearly often enough.

Speaking of the hand, it's been rough. Still feels like there's a hand there, which doesn't help. I still look down, sometimes, and think maybe I'll see something, maybe this was all a bad dream and I'll see a hand down there. It's so fucking stupid, but I almost feel disappointed, when I see it. I'm a fucking idiot. It's amazing how much a missing hand can fuck your balance, too. Stops you bandaging yourself up. makes it hard to open bottles, cans. Just these fucking little things, every day, and I just have to deal with it. I'm feeling a little cooped up, in my own body. If that even makes any sense.

I should probably get a prosthetic, but theres something in me that doesn't like the idea. Feels like it'd be making it official, I guess. Having a clumsy false replacement. It's stupid, and irrational, but I still haven't got in touch with anyone. a bit of cowardice, I guess, but isn't that allowable, after so long?

I shouldn't be complaining. I'm still alive, for one. I can still help, still have the resources to rent a place to stay. Have a roof over my head. And I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I'll survive this, and come out the other side.


Back on the Path

We manages to get Sanna back, as you've probably read here. We went onto the path and we fucking walked away alive. Got there just in the nick of time, though. I guess thanks are in order; We probably couldn't have done it without you, Kyrylo. Thanks for telling us where she was.

For the rescue itself, you're probably best off checking what Ronnie wrote. Nature of the path, I guess, that I don't remember much of what happened. No real details, just the sensation of being faster and stronger and knowing where everything, everyone was. I've been away from the path for too long. Maybe if I'd been less of a coward, I wouldn't have had to do what I did to deal with the poison. But that's something to deal with later.

I got a call from Ronnie, said she had a plan to get Sanna out. I was having some trouble making arrangements to deal with it muyself, so I figured I'd help Ronnie. The idea of leaving a kid to go to the path alone didn't appeal to me much, either. I'm an idiot. When I got to the meeting place, she wasn't alone. And I'm not talking about the dog, either. Bloody decietful proxies. After the initial 'fuck a Timberwolf kill him before he kills me' moment, I headed over. Figured a Timberwolf wouldn't hesitate to kill a little girl if they didn't have a reason to keep her alive, so it may be that this one would be useful. He was, by the way. Thanks Rasmus, shame about the anger management bit.

I remember arguing with Rasmus, afterwards. I probably should've focussed on helping to patch Sanna up (kicking myself that I went with the bullshit machismo thing instead), but right off the path, blood and azoth pounding… I guess I was a little off-kilter. Can you really blame me?

So now I'm waiting in a safehouse of Ronnie's. Sanna hasn't been awake for more than a few minutes at a time; The path can do that to you, not to mention all the other shit she's been through. Not much to do but let her recover in her own time. Wish I'd learned more first aid.