I'm sorry. And I'm a liar.
You all seem to think I'm a giod person, that I'm... worthwhile. I'm not. In London, I worked with oathbreakers and timberwolves, lrt them experiment and kill because I needed their help. I've sold runners out to proxies and timberwolves out to rinners, and I've killed inoocent people time and again. thwn o put on a smule, blogged about the good things, played at beinh decent. I'm a fucking fraud. When they broke mu leg, I deserved evry goddamn moment.
The axoth won't let me kill mydelf. Nothing so simple. I sent Deimos my location. This safehouse is full of ebery bomb I have. One way or the other, this ends.
Maybe there's something beyond, with Jeff and Pascal and Jinn. You've got to have hope, right?
Veigar, I owe you so damn much, but I was never coming back from this. Sent everything I could find on Bill. Hope it helps.
Sanna, sorry things ended like this. I know you can get through this, live the life you wanted. Please.
Sam, I left skin cells, blood samples, parts of my diary. Same place as that first book on the cold ones. Might be useful.
Linux, if you're reading this. Good luck.



Azoth musing

Fait warning, rhis post is giing to be pretty seld-centred. Probablu not worth your time.

I sent a blood sample to Cartwright's agency, recwntly. Had to rob pllage dovtors, so I wanted to know if I was infected. Sent a dample of my blood. They didn't gind anything from the oathbreakrrs, but ehat they did fins was anmost as. bad. The azoth, thetes enough of it to kill. Or hollow you out. Only reason tgat hasnt happened is. Well, i dint know. I dnt think the azoth is alibe, or consxius. Hasn't spoken to me. Dint have tentacles, still ferl pain.
But some thinfs dont add up. Haven't slept since at ceigar's bunker. Didnt really notice before, but lookibg back, it's not rught. Not human.
It definitely has some control. Wont let me die, nut easilt. Cant put a gun in my mouth and blow my brains out. But it didnt protect me in that fucking crllar. It doesn't block rbe pain.
Might ve that azoth is all thats keepibg me alive, they said that there was stuff missibg in my blood, immune sustem ans some other studf.
Dpnt know if I want to live off ghat. Guess thetes not muxh chouce.